Another one bites the dust

The main image from the Herminators new web site, TheCainSolutions.com, where he'll tell us how to run the country. Oh boy.

 

Mike Bandler sent me this today:

 

December 2, 2011

A Farewell from Herman Cain: My Final Thoughts

Dear Friend,

And when I say “friend,” I mean it in the normal way, not “someone I’ve been sleeping with for 13 years.”  Unless, of course, I have been sleeping with you for 13 years.  In that case, I do mean it that way.

It is with a heavy heart that I have decided to end my inspirational quest for the White House.  After much reassessing and reconsidering, I have decided to spend more time being screamed at by my wife.  And by “more time,” I mean 24 hours a day, stopping only for bathroom breaks.

But before I go, let me share with you my final thoughts on my campaign.

After months of crisscrossing this great land of ours and participating in over three hundred televised debates, I am being disqualified because of an extramarital affair.  And that raises the following question: are you fucking kidding me?

I mean, let’s get real.  I never heard of Libya.  I didn’t know whether that CNN dude’s name was Wolf or Blitz.  And my only training for running the #1 nation in the world was running its #8 pizza chain.  Yet none of that, I repeat, none of that disqualified me.  In fact, I was the front-fucking-runner, as long as I kept my 9-9-9 in my pants.  (I have no idea what I meant by that — I just like saying 9-9-9.)

But here’s the part that really kills me.  You’re kicking me to the curb because I was messing around, and instead you’re going with… Newt Gingrich? I repeat: are you fucking kidding me?  Oh, I know what you’re saying: you love Newt because he’s an “intellectual.”  Well, Newt Gingrich is the intellectual of the Republican field the way Moe was the intellectual of the Stooges.

And that leads me to my final point: you disgust me, America.  Right now if I had my way, I’d up and move to another country.  I really, truly would. Only I don’t know where any of them are, and my wife won’t let me leave the house.

Goodbye forever,

Herman

 

So now we’re sort of down to two–Mittens and Newty.  Surely there is someone who identifies as Republican who is more capable of maintaining a consistent position, demonstrating consistent ethical behavior, providing a coherent foreign policy and articulating an economic policy more well thought out than “Obama bad, me good”.  Isn’t there?  Somebody?  Anybody?

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “Another one bites the dust

  1. I love this! And good riddance to all of them. . . I was raised in a rock-rib Republican family in California — 40’s, 50’s, 60’s. All I see now is Republicans falling all over themselves in their attempts to appease the Tea Party and Grover Norquist. Looks to me like a landslide for Obama. If it’s not, Heaven help us.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: