How to stay unemployed

I’m running an ad on Craigslist for a baker for the store in Los Angeles.  When we opened the store, our current guy was hired with the promise that he would be paid in cash, off the books.  He’s on SSI or something and can’t have declared income.

I don’t want to run the business that way; if we want to grow this place and have other stores we need to be on the square.  From now on everybody is going to be on the payroll properly.  This means that our baker will quit, and I have to replace him.

Craigslist is incredibly efficient–place an ad and you will be getting resumés with 15 minutes.  Some of them are astounding in their quality, some are hilarious.  I got this response this afternoon:

Writing in response to the Freelance Cookie Bakerposition. I strongly believe that my expertise will show that your company is the perfect match for me, as I am the perfect solution for you.

As a Business Innovative Formative, and a love for Food. All is a key factor in aiming to Maintain, not only a Creative Baking technique, but understanding taste and a love for the Art of Baking!

With 11+years of my Erudite Background in Food, and B.A in Design; I am extremely Motivated,Work Hard, extremely Zany as well as Fun.

With that, I have posted below my resume for your review, and Welcome the chance to speak with you further. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

I like ‘extremely Zany  as well as Fun’ as much as the next man, but this mass of randomly capitalized gibberish is not what I had in mind.  I think that Zen monks have a new koan to meditate upon:  “As a Business Innovative Formative, and a love for Food”.  Surely pondering  that is at least as deep as the sound of one hand clapping.  Perhaps it is the sound of one brain cell firing.

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2 thoughts on “How to stay unemployed

  1. And remember…there are folks who think he’s worth at least $!5 per hour, plus benefits. How much would those cookies be if that was the new minimum wage?

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